Take Control
by Lovesick Insomniac
Summary: After everything that happened, everything she went through, Arika has decided to take control of her life, even if that meant leaving Charming and the club behind for good. She doesn't realize that once you're in, there's no staying away for long. Jax/OC Part 2 of the Control Series. Sequel of Control Freak
1. Chapter 1

**AN: This is a continuation of my story featuring my OC Arika Blake from Control Freak. I recommend reading that first, or don't. I ain't yo mama. :P **

**Disclaimer: I don't own the SoA… **

"Fi, you alright?" the brunette in the passenger seat didn't respond as she stared out the window at the trees zooming by. "Fi?" the driver repeated, his voice filling with concern as he glanced at her sideways. "Fiona!"

"Yes! What?" She said finally realizing coming back into the present, turning her pale green eyes from the scenery to the driver. It had been six months and she still wasn't used to the new name. "Sorry babe, I was a million miles away." She said, putting her hand on the thigh of the driver.

"I could tell." Jason said, taking her hand and kissing the back of it gently.

Jason Steele had been on his way home from the coast when he witnessed the accident, a SUV lost control and flipped down an embankment. The off duty cop couldn't just do nothing. He rushed to the aid of the occupants…

_Lights, horns, the screech of tires, the wail of metal twisting, the sensation of being tossed around the large SUV like a rag doll, then thunderous silence. For a moment she thought she had gone deaf. She was almost sure of it until sound slowly started to register in her mind. She could hear panic screams for someone to call 911 and the sound of running feet._

_With the return of sound also came the return of feeling. Pain screamed through her nerves in a sudden wave. She screamed out in agony, pain radiating from her ribs, leg, her already injured shoulder, and her arm. She was going to die._

"_Hey, hey, you okay?" someone was standing over her, why were they so tall? The figure knelt down over her and suddenly it clicked in her brain that the SUV had flipped. _

"_Sh, sh..." the figure was a man and he was trying to comfort her awkwardly. Trying to make her stop screaming. _

"_It hurt's" she screamed at him. "God damn it, it fucking hurts." she swore. _

"_Can you move at all?" she shook her head. _

"_Shit is definitely broken." she moaned. Her left arm seemed moveable, and her right leg seemed okay... But their partners burned and throbbed with pain. Not to mention her ribs. And she was so tired, it wasn't a sudden, but she was gradually feeling sleepier._

"_We called an ambulance; it's going to be okay." The man said, using what must have been his over shirt to wipe blood away from her eyes. As the feeling of sleep took over her body, Arika, let her head slump to the side, looking back into the crumpled SUV. Her mothers unseeing eyes stared back at her._

"_Finally." she mumbled, her eye lids getting heavier than the pain. _

"_Keep those pretty eyes open sweetheart, stay awake for me." she was safe at last_

"Fi, come back to me." Jason said, squeezing her hand, bringing her back to reality again. She shook away the cobwebs and smiled apologetically.

"Sorry. Pregnancy brain" she said putting her hand on her rounded belly. "And now that we know that it's a boy, I just can't some thinking about baby things." It was only a partial lie. She was preoccupied with thoughts about the baby, but more about thoughts about the life she had escaped and the one she left behind.

When she woke up in the hospital she had been dazed and confused, but as she was nursed back to health, and they began to ask her questions about who she was, she lied. She feigned amnesia, and she was surprised at how easy it was to pull it off. The doctors said that with serious injuries and traumatic experiences, it wasn't unheard of, and they just let her keep up the charade. Jason jumped at the chance to play the white knight, and as long as Arika could feed him the right lies to keep him from becoming too overbearing, she didn't mind it so much. Though the easiest lie was 'I don't remember', and even though he would try to use some tool he learned on the internet to inducing memories, Arika never gave him an inch.

"A boy. Isn't that exciting?" he said with a grin. Jason was so thrilled with her pregnancy; you wouldn't even realize that the baby wasn't his. "I'm so glad I got to go with you today." Jason said as they pulled up in front of the bar that Arika worked at. Jason hadn't let her start working until after all of her casts were removed after the accident. He didn't want her to start working then either, insisting that he could take care of her and the baby, but she counter his offer with insisting that not having an identity meant needing to go out and create one. He got her a job somewhere that he knew she'd be safe, his friends bar.

"Me too. I guess we can start thinking about names now."

"Yeah. How about Jason Jr. JJ for short." Arika laughed.

"Keep dreaming lover boy." She said pressing a kiss to his pouting lips as she opened the car door and slid out awkwardly. At 6 months pregnant, every movement that required a level change was awkward.

"See you after my shift." He said. As she grabbed her purse and closed the door.

-SOA-SOA-SOA-

The ride from Charming to Auburn wasn't bad. If Jax wasn't working or diving to the bottom of the bottle, he was on his bike, getting lost on the road. His mountain of guilt and self-pity was stacking higher though. It must have been, because he thought he'd seen Arika in the bar at least a dozen times. It was crawling with babes and bikers from the rally. He blamed it on the booze. He thought he saw Arika everywhere these days. Sometimes he would be driving down Main street and he would wish he could do it all over again. That he could stop and go back and pick her up and just take her far away from all of the pain that followed her to Charming.

"You al'ight brother" Chibs asked, clasping Jax's shoulder. The blonde shook his head and backed away from the table they have been standing around, talking with another MC.

"I'm gonna get some air." He told his brothers, waving off Ope as he tried to follow him out. He needed to breather and get his head on straight. This weekend was about making connections and raising money for charity. He started to take a walk around the edge of the building, lighting up a cigarette and inhaling deeply.

-SOA-SOA-SOA-

Arika felt awful, but she her nerves couldn't take it anymore, she had to get out of the bar. She didn't know there was a bike rally in Auburn for some sort of annual charity, but when the bikes started rolling in, Arika's heart started racing, and the anxiety was bad for her and the baby. She immediately asked Tom if she could go home for some rest, but with there being a huge rush, he asked her to stay as long as she could until he could get one of the other bar tenders in to cover her. He was nice enough to put her on the bar, so she could see who was coming, and had a chance to bolt if she needed to, not that she's be able to bolt very fast with the baby bump. Thankfully, it hadn't come to that.

As she stepped out into the cool February night from the back door, she inhaled deeply, taking in the fresh air. Her anxiety started to ebb. She had made a clean get away, if SAMCRO showed up at the bar, she wasn't going to be there.

"Hey, Fiona!" Arika paused, turning around. Sarah was standing in the doorway of the bar. "Dr this in the dumpster on your way?" she asked with doe eyes.

"Of course. Least I can do for bailing." Arika said, doubling back across the parking lock to collect the garbage bag.

"No worries. You get home and take care of that baby!" Arika smiled appreciatively as Sarah disappeared back into the bar. Arika turned around to head to the dumpster but she stopped dead, the bag dropping from her hand.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: SO – Apparently, no matter how I try to format it, HATES my line breaks. Hardcore style. I put them in there, three different ways and tried just replacing the first chapter, but they wouldn't stuck. What a pain! Hopefully the plain -SoA- works. **

Jax looked down as empty vodka bottle rolled into his foot. He had come around the corner just in time to hear clatter of bottles hitting the ground as a bartender dropped their bag by the back door. Jax swooped down and swiped the bottle from the ground.

"Need a hand darlin?" he asked, tucking his cigarette between his lips as he knelt beside the woman who had her back to him now.

"What? Oh, thanks!" The redhead answered taking the bottle from Jax and smiling at him as she put it back into the bag. "That will teach me to text and walk at the same time." She joked. Jax chuckled as he helped her stuff the rest of the bottle back in the bag, and offered to carry it the few feet to the dumpster.

"Wouldn't want you to have to look away from the screen too long." He teased when she scoffed.

"Haha, very funny Mr…" she trailed off, looking him over with hazel eyes.

"You can call me Jax." He finished.

"Nice to meet you Jax. I'm Anna." She offered her hand to him and he took it. They shook and he held on for a moment longer than needed. Chicks ate it up when you lingered just a moment or two too long, made them crazy trying to figure out what it meant. "You ride up here with your whole club or is it just you here for the rally?" she asked, walking towards the front door slowly as Jax worked his cigarette.

"I'm here with my club. We've been here a few years in a row. It's for a good cause, make lots of good connections." Anna nodded as they got to the front of the building where the reserved parking for the bikers had been set up.

"Which one is yours?" She asked, looking over the herd. Jax took her hand and lead to his Dyna. As Anna looked over the blue scale reaper painted on gas tank, the bike took one last long drag on his cigarette looking her over. She looked like she could be fun. Redheads were always the freakiest.

"Wanna go for a ride?" he asked, leaning against his ride casually, taking a hand his pocket, smirking as Anna's eyes roved his body.

"I would love to, but I have to go check on my brothers girlfriend." Anna said, looking at the bike again, biting her bottom lip, chewing on it. She wanted it, and he wanted to stay out of his head for one night.

"Where does she live? We can swing by on the way." Jax said standing up, looking down on Anna. He they were just a couple inches apart.

"On the way to where?" she asked, taking a deep breath. She was trying to play it cool, but Jax could tell that he was pressing all of the right buttons as he leaned down to whisper in her ear.

"Wherever you want"

-SoA-

Arika knew that stress was bad for the baby. That must have been what caused the Braxton-Hicks contractions. It had taken a good ten minutes for the sharp cramping to fade from her back and abdomen enough to allow her to move. Now she was curled under a fluffy quilt on the couch, flipping through nursery ideas on Jason's iPad. She wasn't sure if she was going take up Jason's offer to move into his room with him and let the baby of his own room, but she wasn't sure she wanted to get that close. She wasn't even sure that she wanted to stay in Auburn. Jason had been so good to her from the beginning, but the idea of putting down any kind of roots made her heart speed up. She squeezed her fist, digging her nails into her palm. She needed to cut the panic off at the pass.

The mother to be was thankful to hear key slide home in the lock. She needed to get out of her head. She didn't have many friends in there these days.

"IT'S ME!" Arika rolled her eyes at the shrill yell from the foyer. "Can my friend pee?"

"Only if it's in the bathroom." Arika called back to her boyfriends' sister. There was an echo of laughter and Arika frowned as the deep throaty sound of Anna's friend sent chills down Arika's spine. She turned her pale green eyes from the digital device to the mouth of the hallway as Anna and her friend spilled into the living room, lip locked and Arika stopped breathing as she stared at the back of the familiar cut.

"Bathroom is that way." The redhead breathed pointing behind her. Jax might not have looked around if Arika dropped the iPad on the ground. He glanced over his shoulder for just a moment, but the moment his blue eyes say that pale green he turned to stone.

It felt like the ground had suddenly been pulled out from underneath him. Jax wasn't sure he believed what he was seeing in front of him. How could all those months of searching and turning the world upside down end in just stumbling into her home out of pure dumb luck. He wondered if he was wrong, but those eyes… such a beautiful pale green.

"It can't be." he said, his voice cracking. Her lip quivered for a moment and her eyes dropped to look at the blanket in her lap. Jax was afraid to move, afraid that it would break the illusion and that she would disappear.

"Whoa – You know Fiona?" Jax glanced at the guardian angel who had brought him to her.

"Fiona?" Arika's head jerked up.

"My brother pulled her out of a car wreck a few months ago. She lost all of her memories." Anna explained and Jax felt staggered by the words. He looked back to Arika who looked pale, her chest rising quickly. She was working up into having a panic attack.

"Shit." He said, crossing the room, dropping to his knees in front of her. "Hey, look at me." He said putting his hands on either side of her face. She finally made eye contact for the first time and she burst into tears.

"I'm so sorry." She wailed throwing her arms around Jax's neck, the blanket slipping off her lap, revealing her swollen belly. If Jax was trying to hold the girl in his arms together, he'd be falling apart.

-SoA-

When Officer Steele arrived at the hospital, he wasn't sure what to expect. His sister had been hysterical on the phone. He had caught on to key words like 'biker' and 'panic attack' and 'unconscious'. He had made it across town in record time. He knew that Fiona was prone to anxiety, but having a panic attack and passing out? That couldn't be good for her or the baby.

"Thank god." Anna said jumping up as her brother slipped into curtained cube that Arika was resting in and giving Jason a hug. "I'm so sorry."

"What happened?" He asked, hugging his sister back, looking over her head at his Fiona who appeared to be resting soundly. "Is Fiona okay?" Anna looked up at her brother.

"I think I found her family." Jason shook his head.

"What? Her family?" he repeated. The statement wasn't computing.

-SoA-

**Guest Reviewer- Don't worry – Arika is still going to be Arika. That's one of the reasons I changed the direction that Control Freak was going in… I feel like it was going to take her the wrong way. She's all kinds of fucked up and broken. That's not going to change. She just finds different ways to cope and deal. **


	3. Chapter 3

"Sir, they are up for her safety."

"You're not listening to me." Came a frustrated growl. Arika swallowed and furrowed her brow. That voice… "If she wakes up in a cage, she's going to have another panic attack. I have seen it." It wasn't a dream then. Arika blinked her eyes open slowly and found the lights around her were dim, but she could see the figures standing outside of her little ER cubbie.

"You're the reason Fiona is here to begin with." Jason nearly shouted.

"Her name is Arika. Arika Nicole Blake." The blonde biker said loudly, matching his volume. "She's got a scar on her shoulder, she's got scars on her arms, she's got scars all over her god damn body." Jax said slamming a hand on the nurses' station. There was a beeping that accompanied the sudden increase in Arika's heart rate. Jax moved towards her, but Jason grabbed his arm, holding him back as the nurses came to her aide.

"Fiona, sweetie, you're in the ER." The woman said in a no nonsense tone that was supposed to be comforting. Arika put a hand on her belly, closed her eyes and leaned back into the pillows, trying to breathe. She could not lose herself to a panic attack. She couldn't put the baby at risk.

"PUT THE GOD DAMN BARS DOWN." Jax yelled at the top of his lungs. The shout was followed by scuffling but Arika wasn't doing anything but focusing on breathing slow, imagining taking big deep breaths that filled not only her lungs, but the lungs of her baby too.

"Fiona, I'm putting these rails down on this side, I need you to be careful not to roll this way okay?" the uncomforting nurse directed. Arika didn't open her eyes, but nodded. She would feel better when she could move. She needed to move.

-SoA-SoA-SoA-

Opie wasn't exactly sure at what point during the night his prepaid had finally kicked the bucket, but when the cut clad giant flopped onto his motel bed after his shower and turning on the device that had been charging, her was surprised to find that it had been lit up with voicemails during its brief siesta.

'_Hey, it's me. Leaving the bar with a nice little redhead. Don't wait up.' _Opie shook his head. He didn't think Jax could even keep track of all of the women he'd taken home.

'_I found her Ope. I fucking found her. I walked into that house and there she was, and she's alive. I'm on my way to the ER. Call me back.' _Opie frowned and sat up a little straighter. Found who?

'_Where are you guys, no one is answering their God __damn__ phones. This is serious. I found Arika. Meet me at A__uburn Memorial__.'_ Opie was on his feet now, scrambling for jeans as he listened to the last message and Opie snapped the phone shut and threw it at the bed grabbing a shirt and throwing his room door open, not bothering with shoes as he started pounding on the adjacent doors. Clay looked thoroughly unamused as he tossed open the door, a couple of ditzy blondes lounging on his bed.

"Real bad time Ope." He said looking back at the girls. "REAL bad time."

"I just got a voicemail from Jax."

"So take Chibs and Bobby if you need back up and handle it." Clay said plainly trying to close the door on him but Opie put a hand out.

"Clay, he said he found Arika."

-SoA-SoA-SoA-

Jason knew that he wasn't going to be able to keep Jax for the assault charges, but he needed the hot headed biker out of the way before he did something reckless that put Fiona and the baby at risk. His screaming and making demands of the nursing staff was the last thing the stressed out mother to be needed. Then there was all the confusion about who she was. Fiona didn't need that either. She had a life and was on track. Whatever she left behind it was for the best. He saw the scars that covered her arms, the gash through her shoulder still seemed to be tender at times, and god forbid he so much as mention the scar across her shoulder blades. Whatever horrors she left behind her, he didn't want some biker who probably put the scars there to dredge it all back up again. Jason just wanted her to have some space to breathe and process the night's events before Jax was trying to throw his two cents in.

"Excuse me, what happened to the patient in bed 16?" Jason asked as he found the little cubical empty after returning from his run to lock up Jax and get him out of the way.

"The prenatal anxiety case? She was discharged."

"What do you mean discharged? She's pregnant and passing out!" Jason was incredulous.

"She wanted to go, she's cleared for discharge. We let her go. Both her and the baby were fine." The nurse said looking back at her computer.

"So you let a pregnant amnesiac woman who's having panic attacks so bad she's losing consciousness walk out of the emergency room shortly after her ex biker boyfriend starts a scene just up and walk away? Am I understanding that right?" the officer spat.

"The fainting spell was from anxiety, and there's nothing an emergency room do for that. Your wife needs counseling, not triage." The nurse didn't look back up. Jesus Christ, this couldn't be real.

-SoA-SoA-SoA-

When Arika paid the cabbie and climbed out of the car in front of her and Jason's quaint town house she took a deep breath. For the last few months, Arika had played pretend, had played normal. She imagined that the scars didn't exist, and that she and her baby were going to be able to be normal. The truth was though, there was no being normal. Arika was a ticking time bomb. Tonight was proof of that. All it took was a familiar face and her safe little bubble came crumbling down around her. Jason didn't know what he was up against, and she wasn't sure she could even explain it to him. His Fiona was a fairy tale. She couldn't keep up the charade. She had to face what she'd done.

Arika was sitting on the steps with her packed bags when the squad car pulled up into the driveway.

"There you are, thank god!" Jason called as he climbed out of the car. "Fiona, you had me scared to death, why didn't you wait for me?" She didn't move. "Fi?" She looked down at her feet as she heard him approaching. "Fiona, you're freaking me out." He said grabbing her shoulder.

"He's right."

"Who?" They both know who she was talking about.

"My name is Arika." She said softly. "Jason, I'm so sorry." She said, grabbing his hand and holding onto it tightly.

"How much do you remember?" he asked, pushing her hair out of her face. Maybe it was all awful. Maybe it meant she would stay.

"Enough." she said swallow, pulling his hand away from her face and stepping back from him. "I need to figure some things out Jason."

"Figure things out?" he asked incredulous. "What is there to figure out Fi? Haven't I made you happy here? Haven't I taken care of you? You just need to rest. You aren't thinking clearly." he said stepping in again. "If you're afraid, I can protect you, you know that." Arika shook her head, stepping into Jason putting her hands on either side of his face, her baby bump brushing against his torso.

"Baby, you have no idea what kind of protection I need." she said softly placing a soft kiss on his lips. "I have to face this, or its going to haunt me." Arika looked up the street and saw a familiar red sports car turning onto their street. "This is me taking control of the shit before it gets out of my grasp." she said quickly.

"Don't." he said grabbing her and holding her tightly as she tried to back away from him and the car pulled into the driveway. "Don't do this for them Fiona... Arika..." He put his forehead to hers, put his hands on her baby bump.

"See you around Jason." She whispered gently as she picked up her bags and moved toward the car. Jason felt helpless as he watched her go. His hands shook as his ran his willed her to turn around. He mentally begged her to turn around one more time and give him a chance to convince her to stay. She didn't hesitate however. She dropped into the passenger side of the car without looking back.

-SoA-SoA-SoA-

Jax was physically exhausted, but his mind was still running a mile minute as he sat hunched in the corner of the holding cell. He couldn't process the shocks of the previous night. What were the chances of him walking into her house? If he had gone pee before leaving the bar, he would have been within 30 feet and never would have known. He swallowed closed his eyes remembering every tiny detail of her shocked expression. The circles under her eyes had faded away, and her pale skin was glowing. She was well rested and healthy. She was… Pregnant. Jesus Christ, she had gotten knocked up. The reality of this fact settled on Jax like a heavy weight, but the creaking of the heavy security door pulled him from his thoughts.

He sat up straighter as the uniform stopped at the door of the his cell. The bloodshot eyes were shooting daggers at him from the other side of the cage bars. Jax immediately squared his shoulders and raised himself off the bench.

"Here to try and throw another bogus charge on me Dudley Do Wrong?" he growled, the contempt in his words clear as day.

"What did you people do to my girl that broke her so badly? That she forgot her whole existence?" Jason asked in an equally threatening tone. "What did you do that sent her running for the hills the moment you stepped foot in this town?" Jax's guy tightened. Arika was in the wind again?

"You don't know what you're talking about. Me and my club are the only reason she's still breathing. The fact that she didn't wanna play house with you anymore says more about you than us."

"STEELE!" Jason looked up the hallway at someone that Jax couldn't see. "Chief wants you in his office. I'll finish processing the release."

"Aw, did someone upset Daddy?" Jax asked as Jason clenched his fists at his side.

"This isn't over." The blonde smirked and raised his palms to the ceiling.

"Bring it on." The haggard looking officer turned away, and another took his place just a few moments later to let Jax out of his cell.

This officer wasn't as chatty as Steele had been, and that suited Jax just fine. His mind was racing a mile a minute. Arika had taken off again? Was it even Arika who did the running or was it the alter ego that apparently had been living in this Charming rip-off for the last 5 months while he withered away in anguish at the loss. Could he blame her psyche for splintering after all of the trauma that the young girl had gone through before she could even legally drink? Could he blame her alter ego opening up to some pig and getting herself knocked up?

"Jax!" The distracted blonde looked up as he made it out of the station and saw that the MC had been waiting for him. They were gathered around their bikes, waiting eagerly for their VP – waiting for news, waiting for a direction to run in to find their fallen angel. He looked at their eager faces, at Opie who had carried the burden of her loss almost as heavily as Jax had and he felt the sinking sensation of failure.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Hi everyone! I am so sorry that this took so long… But the good news is this is a decent sized chapter and I finally got out of my writing slump! Please let me know what you think. **

**I really appreciate all of the readers who have joined the Control saga with favorites and follows! It really means a lot! Please feel free to leave your reviews! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own SoA **

The ride to the tiny town in the middle of the California countryside was uneventful. Arika shared a few details as she could with her co-worker who was nice enough to give her the lift out of town that she had so desperately needed. Arika was thankful for God's small favors as she handed her friend a roll of cash before taking her bags and waddling with her round belly into Charming's only hotel without being recognized.

She had gotten settled in fairly easy, but once the brunette had made herself comfortable in the generic hotel room she realized that she had no idea what her next step was. How does one go about returning from 5 months of playing dead?

'_Hey guys, just kidding! April fools!' _

It's not as though they didn't already know she was alive… Jax had found her.

Arika's pale green eyes stared up at the ceiling while she rubbing her belly in soothing circles. The 20 year old had never been a big believer in fate – how could she be? With so much bad shit that happened to her, there was no way that she could place her faith in the idea that things just happened for cosmic shits and giggles. Not to mention the fact that it went against her control freak nature to let some higher power call the shots.

Jax walking into her house though? Of all the chicks for him to give a ride, it had to be Jason's sister? He just HAD to pee at that moment instead of waiting to get to Anna's?

That was a little too much for Arika to chalk up to mere coincidence. Her cover had been blown, and here she was again. Without a thought of what would happen next, she had fled back to Charming, like it had all the answers even though it was the cause of all of her uncertainty.

The baby could feel her tension, because he kicked at her hand. Arika smiled and looked at her belly. Whatever she was going to do, she had to remember, that her decisions were now being made for two.

-SoA-SoA-SoA-

There was a dark cloud hanging over the clubhouse as the MC rolled back into town. Jax and Opie had taken some serious convincing to leave Auburn – not wanting to leave the last place they knew Arika to be, but Jason had been stalking their every move around the small town. It was clear that even if they had found Arika, that he was going to get in the way. It was better to come back to their home turf and regroup. Jax was sitting on the couch, taking a long drag off of a joint. It had been almost a year now that Arika had shown up in Charming again – and she had put on a show for all of them to see. He smiled sadly at the memory.

That night of her girl on girl exhibition Jax had thought that Arika was just a rebellious kid with a bitch for a mother. He wished not that it was that simple. His stomach twisted at the thoughts of everything that he had found out about the girl when she had been in Charming. Guilt crashed over him as he thought about her accusations she had thrown at Opie. Arika's feeling of abandonment.

His Arika had been through so much that he could understand how a hard reset would be in her brains best interest. It was almost cruel to try to put her back in the hell of remembering.

"Where are you, brother?" Jax looked up from his joint. Chibs had joined him, pulling him from the fantasy of what a carefree Arika would be like.

"Just thinking about better days." he said ruefully.

"Those better days are going to come back around." the Scott promised reaching for the joint. Jax smiled grimly. He wanted to believe it, but he wasn't sure he could. Better days didn't happen for Arika. As much as he hated it, it seemed to be the truth.

SoA-SoA-SoA

It took two days to Arika to build up the courage to stick her head out. She had secluded herself in the hotel – living off of delivery food and the vending machines. The level of anxiety that she faced every time she even thought about going outside of her little was overwhelming. But she needed to refill her vitamins, and fresh air was always important.

Dressed in a baggy hoodie and sunglasses Arika finally took the plunge.

Her right hand pulled at the rubber band on around her left wrist before letting it snap back down against her flesh as she walked down Main Street. She had given up cutting for the sake of the baby, but she needed help getting a grip on the insane emotions in her head and heart. She was just prolonging the inevitable at this point. She had come back to Charming, there was only one way this would – she froze on the corner of Main and 3rd and turned back to look the direction she had come from. She could hear the roar of their bikes coming through the quaint little town and her heart shook and vibrated along with the engines.

She recognized their bikes just as easily as their faces. Tig and Bobby were leading the quad and Opie and Jax were behind. Arika stepped back slightly, leaning against the wall, watching them turn right onto 3rd, driving in the opposite direction from her. There was a sharp pain in her back that she ignored as she took long slow breaths, massaging her baby bump.

Arika had wanted to call out. She had wanted to throw back her disguise, and scream out to them that she was there. There was an uncertainty that crippled her. Would they even want her back in Charming after what she had done?

More pain shot through her back and sides and Arika gasped. She needed to calm down. Her body was screaming it at her. She would some back for the vitamins. Right now, she needed to rest. The brunette pushed away from the wall but action made her dizzy. Something was wrong. More pain. A gushing sensation between her legs.

_NO_! She thought clutching her belly as she fell to her knees. It was too early. The baby would be too weak. This wasn't right.

"Are you alright?"

"Call 911" she gasped, breathing hard and groaning as another contraction hit her. She tried to steady her breathing; she stared at the puddle below her on the cement. It was starting to blur as tears filled her pale green eyes. This was a sign from God. She was going to lose her baby – she shouldn't have come back here. She couldn't fight back the anxiety. She was losing focus on breathing. All she could feel was pain and heartbreak as she hyperventilated and fell into darkness.

SoA-SoA-SoA

Returning from a routine inspection at the Bluebird warehouse, the four bikers backed their bikes into their usually spaces along the guardrail. The older members made a B-line for the clubhouse to give a report to the club's president, and Jax was on their heels until he realized that Opie was still sitting across his bike.

"What's up bro?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at the giant who was staring intently at the handlebars.

"I dunno." Opie said looking up finally after a pause. "I just got the strangest vibe riding through town. Like dejavu." Jax laughed and leaned against his bike, pulling out his cigarettes.

"Like what, you've seen this town before?" he joked as he lit up.

"Hah hah." Opie snapped back finally dismounting his ride and following Jax's lead with the cigarettes. "I don't know…" he took a long drag, staring at the clouds for a moment replaying the ride, trying to pinpoint the moment the weird hit. "Did you see the girl who was watching us?"

"We've always got girls watching us Ope." Jax retorted. "Chicks dig a guy who can ride." He said rolling his hips for emphasis on the double meaning to his words. Opie laughed and shook his head.

"I dunno dude, that's the only thing that I could th-Shit" He cut off his own sentence seeing the all too familiar and unwelcome green army jeep pulling onto the lot. Jax turned and cursed as well, throwing his cigarette on the ground and stomping it out before heading up the lot to meet the Deputy Chief who was exiting his vehicle.

"What can we help you with officer?" Jax said with his best boy scout voice. David Hale was a pain in the club's ass, but he tried not to make that problem worse. Hale looked grim and unhappy to be there. That meant that whatever it was, he wasn't there to bust the club for something. The rest of the club had filed out onto the lot, but they hung back, letting their VP handle the up and coming officer.

"The club filed a missing persons report on Arika Blake about six months ago. Is that right?" Hale asked blandly. The moment her name crossed the cop's lips, Jax's body went rigid.

"That's right." He answered, glancing at Opie who was the only one standing close enough to have heard Hales words as well.

"And the club hasn't had any contact with her in that time?" Jax flashed momentarily on their moments together in Auburn, but Hale didn't need to know about that.

"If we knew where she was don't you think we'd call off the dogs, not that you're doing much good." Opie answered for him.

"I find it hard to believe that with a town this small you didn't know that Arika was here in Charming." The bikers couldn't help but exchange looks with each other, shock clearly painted across their faces.

"Where is she?" Jax asked impatiently.

"I have a few more questions-"Jax grabbed the front of Hales shirt pulling him closer.

"Where is she?" he repeated more forcefully. Opie grabbed his arm and pulled him back from the officer. Jax backed away reluctantly as Clay, Tig and Happy approached the cop to investigate what had caused Jax's outburst.

"You won't do her any good in jail for assault." Opie said quietly to his brother in arms.

"She's dead." Jax croaked, his legs feeling weak as the words passed his lips.

"What? You don't know that Jax."

"Why else is Hale here? Why isn't she?" the blonde said furiously pointing at the cop. Opie opened his mouth and then closed it again. He didn't have an answer. There was more commotion behind the pair and Jax turned to see Hale splayed out with Happy standing over him.

"She's in St Thomas." Tig called to the pair, smiling, clearly amused that Happy had decked the cop for his unwillingness to co-operate.

Just like that, Jax and Opie were men with a mission, and they were gone again.

SoA-SoA-SoA

Jax immediately knew that there would be resistance when they reached the emergency room. He was thankful however to see that Unser was sitting in the waiting room. He could help ease their way.

"Where is she chief?" Jax asked as he drew even with cop. The old man groaned as he got to his feet.

"Hale found you I see." He said smiling slightly. "Arika just came out of surgery. She went into labor early, they had to perform an emergency C-section." Jax was wide eyed as he looked at Opie who looked just as horrified, though Opie just found out that Donna was pregnant, so a pregnancy gone wrong sounded like a real horror story.

"Jesus Christ." Jax whispered, running his hand over his face. The girl couldn't catch a break. "Is she okay? What about the baby? Is the baby okay?"

"I haven't heard anything yet son." The cop answered. Jax backed away, taking several steps, and trying to calm his racing heartbeat with long deep breaths.

"Where is she?" Jax repeated turning back to the cop. He needed to lay his eyes on her. He needed to touch her. "She's in recovery."

SoA-SoA-SoA

Sun was shining through the window and Arika felt like there wasn't a single worry in the world as she basked in the warmth. She felt light as a feather floating through the air. She could hear someone talking to her, but she was too content in her sleep to absorb the words.

The troubled girl was having the best dreams of her life. She had never left Charming as a child so she had never been subjected to the hell Joslyn had put her through. She was surrounded by SAMCRO, and laughter never seemed to leave her pale green eyes. The scars that she was all too familiar with that covered her body were nowhere to be seen. She was happy and free from life's troubles.

SoA-SoA-SoA

The rest of the club had caught up to him by the time a nurse had finally told him where to find Arika. The club moved as a single pack as they went to the third floor to find Arika, and answers. The moment that Jax drew even with the door, his pace slowed. The slender doctor standing at the foot of Arika's bed turned and spotted the club.

"Shit." Gemma muttered as a blast from her son's past stepped out of the room, closing the door behind. Tara pushed her hair back from her face and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Jax!" Tara said with wide eyes. "What are you doing here?" she asked, looking at the mob of anxious bikers.

"Arika Blake – She's family." Jax said nodding towards the room that Tara had just exited.

"When was the last time you saw her?" Tara asked slowly. Jax frowned and shook his head.

"She's been M.I.A. for months. We didn't even know she was pregnant." Jax answered for the club.

"She's got a lot of scars, not all of them-"

"What about the baby?" Opie asked cutting off the doctor, all too aware what road the doctor was going to go down.

"He's 15 weeks premature. His lungs are under developed and he has a congenital heart defect." Tara explained gently. "Both are serious on their own but together…" she trailed off. Jax was looking past his old flame, at the girl who was sleeping comfortably despite the machines and monitoring equipment connected to her. "…Chance, and I'm afraid that's being optimistic." Jax barely caught Tara's words as he stepped past her. He had been chasing Arika so long, and now that he was this close, he just wanted to put his hands on her and feel that she was real.

SoA-SoA-SoA

"_Hey baby." Gemma said softly somewhere in the distance and the words caused a knot in Arika's stomach. "How's she doing?" the words were so far away and echoed strangely though Arika's head as she looked around the kitchen. She couldn't quite remember how she had gotten here. _

"_Gemma?" she called looking around for the matron she could hear and not see. _

"_She looks so peaceful." Arika turned again on the spot as she heard Jax speak. _

"_Jax?" she called leaving the small kitchen and moving down the hall towards the back of the house. Who's house was this? It was familiar yet part of her brain was telling her that she didn't know this place at all. _

"_Why can't she just catch a break?" Jax's voice asked. As Arika continued to move, she could feel her body starting to get heavier. "After everything she's been through, and now this?" _

"_You were born with the same heart defect you know." Gemma answered as Arika turned a corner and found a door. "You and Thomas both. It's the family flaw." Why were they talking about heart defects? Arika pushed the door at the end of the hall open and looked around a baby blue nursery. _

Jax looked down at Arika's pale face and brushed her hair back softly. Even sedated, the gentle touch seemed enough to stir the girl. She opened her eyes and Jax swore in that moment that it was the most beautiful thing that he had ever seen.

"Am I still dreaming?" she asked groggily. He smiled sown at her, taking her hand in his.

"No darlin, I'm as real as it gets." He answered. Arika was so tired, but she felt strange. She looked down at herself and jerked, trying to sit up, realizing that her belly had deflated, her baby was gone. Her body was still heavy and felt flimsy.

"Easy baby, you'll rip a stitch." Gemma said appearing on her other side.

"My baby. What happened to my baby?" Arika asked clutching at her belly as if she would find her bump still there if she looked hard enough. Heart monitors started to beep faster.

"He's in the neonatal unit." Gemma answered in her sweetest voice, but Arika wasn't listening. She had to get to her baby. She tried to pull herself up, but she was still so heavily drugged.

"Arika look at me." Jax said firmly cupping her face with both hands blocking out the rest of the room so that her wild pale green eyes met his. "We'll get a nurse to take you to see him. But you can't rip out your IV's and shit. Okay? You need to breathe." He instructed. "I'm here, and I'm not letting anything happen to you or your baby."

"Abel." She said weakly, trying not to cry. "His name is Abel."

"I like that." He said gently, stroking her pale skin with his tanned thumb. He wiped away the tears that were leaking from her eyes, but he didn't call attention to them. He could not imagine what new hell the young mother was going through in this moment. Gemma backed out of the room to find a nurse, but Jax wasn't letting go of Arika. He had waited six long months to find her again. He wasn't letting her go even for a moment.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Sorry for the delay, I have been trying to find the best way to move the story along. Arika hasn't been as active in my brain lately. But I think she's making a comeback! **

**Thanks for all the love! It makes me get off my butt and put fingers to keys. Keep it coming ya'll. **

Arika had been officially discharged from St. Thomas three days ago, but she had not left her child's side for a moment longer than absolutely needed. The brunette had made a nest of sorts in corner of the unit beside Abel's incubator. She had mastered the art of sleeping in the rocking chair provided by the hospital, her hand resting against her three week olds cheek.

Gemma had tried to coax her niece into coming home, but the girl didn't listen. She didn't care about much of anything except the tiny life that was resting in the plastic house. There was always a patch nearby, but Arika hadn't spoken to anyone about her time away. She didn't know what to do or what to say - none of it mattered really. Her existence was now directly connected to the tiny life in front of her.

"Hey Darlin." Arika turned her pale green eyes up from her baby boy to Jax who had been to see them every single day. He handed her the styrofoam cup of chai that he brought her every morning and then turned his attention to Abel. "How's little man doing today?" he asked looking down at the tiny human.

"He's a fighter." Arika croaked sipping the chai gratefully.

"Just like his mother." Jax said softly shooting her a sideways glance. The brunette looked like hell. She hadn't showered or slept in a bed since she had been discharged. She was wearing the same baggy sweats that Jax had brought her. He made sure the prospect was bringing her three squares a day, but Half-Sack reported that she wasn't eating nearly enough.

"His daddy too." Now she really had his attention. This was the most Arika had ever said about the father of her child. Jax assumed it was the cop that she had been shacking up with in Auburn.

"You gonna tell the dad?" he asked trying to be casual as he pulled the regular chair Arika used as part of her makeshift bed around to face the baby.

"It's complicated." she said with a shrug. Sipping the latte the VP had brought her. "Why burden someone with this pain? Why tell someone they have a kid just to have that yanked away?"

"I would want to know." Jax admitted looking at the boy. The tiny continuation of Arika had captured and shattered the bikers' heart the moment he had laid eyes on the tiny bundle. The long silence caught his attention and he looked at Arika who was watching him closely. "What's wrong?" he asked, instantly concerned. He reached for her but she stood up and moved away from him.

"Nothing." she said shrugging and looking down at the baby, slipping a hand into one of the small arm holes and gently caressing the back of his hand. Jax set aside his own coffee and stood as as well, hovering just over Arika's shoulder.

"Talk to me sweetheart." he pleaded. Arika shook her head and inched away from him. "The club has questions." he said trying a more direct approach. Three weeks had gone by and Jax had run interference, enacting a complete embargo on questions of any kind regarding the time she had spent missing.

"None of that matters Jax." she said brushing him off.

"Last time you left us in the dark, we lost you." Jax reminded her, his hand twitching, tempted to reach out for her.

"I'm right here." she countered. Jax ran his hand over his face and growled. He wanted to scream. He wanted to shake her until she came to her senses. His frustration was starting to surpass the fear of pushing her away. He opened his mouth to speak but a rapping in the door shortly before it opened cut him off.

"Am I interrupting?" Jax looked at the surgeon from his past and stepped back from Arika shaking his head.

"Not at all doc." he answered, not bothering to hide the disappointment in his tone as he stepped away from Arika.

"How are you doing?" Tara asked Arika As she approached Abel's incubator and picked up his chart. "You look like you haven't slept in days."

"I'm doing okay." the younger girl said dismissively. Tara looked at Arika and then at Jax who was leaning back against wall now. Jax shook his head at the doc.

"Abel's is doing really well. The steroids have really helped his lung development. Doctor Nameed thinks that his lungs are almost strong enough to take him off the ventilation. If we can stabilize his breathing we'll go in and fix his heart." Arika smiled brightly at the news.

"That's fantastic." Arika said looking back at Jax who was smiling with her. "How much longer will we be here?"

"Abel will need to stay in NICU for another 4 to 6 weeks. You need to go home." Arika's smile faded some. "You are still healing. You are in rough shape Arika. You need to take care of yourself so you can take care of Abel when he comes home." Arika looked down at the infant and frowned. She hadn't planned that far ahead. She and Abel didn't have a place to call home. Her mind was revving up, she wasn't thrilled about the idea of leaving Abel behind.

"He needs me here." Arika argued.

"He needs you healthy." Jax interjected stepping beside her again. "Listen to Tara, and come home." Jax said placing a gentle hand on her hip, but Arika jerked away as if he's hit her. He swallowed the hurt that came with her rejection.

"To be honest, the administration is concerned about your presence in the NICU" Tara explained. "Your current lack of hygiene and stability make you a liability to the hospital." Tara said crossing her arms. "I was able to pull some strings so that I could talk to you instead of them having security forcibly remove you."

"They can't keep me from Abel." Arika said vehemently, stepping towards Tara aggressively. Jax moved halfway between them.

"That's not what we're saying, not at all. You need to go home, and shower, and sleep in a real bed. You are welcome to come back, but you can't live here anymore." Tara said gesturing to the nest Arika had made in the corner. Arika's nostrils flared in anger, and she swallowed hard before looking down at her son.

"Fine." she hissed before she stormed out of the NICU. Jax sighed and stepped towards the door but paused and looked back at Tara.

"Thank you. For everything." he said earnestly. She smiled at him as she replaced Abel's chart. "We're been trying for days to get her to come home. And everything you've done for Abel..."

"I want to help your family Jax." she said looking down at Abel. "I asked to let me assist in his surgery. I know what this did to Thomas... I don't want that for Abel." Jax was about to speak but Half-Sack appeared at the door.

"Arika asked me to take her to the Clubhouse, she said she didn't want to wait, that okay with you Jax?" The prospect asked nervously.

"I'll be right there, I'll take her." The blonde said, Half-Sack swallowed.

"She doesn't want you to take her." He stammered. Jax frowned and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Fine. Straight to clubhouse. No detours." Sack nodded and murmured a goodbye to the doc. "Wait!" he said picking up the latte he had brought Arika. "She needs to drink this. All of it." He said handing over the drink. The prospect nodded and backed out of the room taking the drink him.

"That how you keeping her on her meds?" Tara asked after the biker bowed out of the room. Jax sighed and leaned against the wall nodding.

"I don't think she'd take them willingly. She's too much of a… A control freak." He said with a bitter laugh. "But, you've seen what she's capable of to keep that control." Tara nodded slowly.

"She needs to be monitored closely Jax. She's not stable. Even with medication, she could still be a danger."

"Don't talk about her like that. She's not crazy Tara." He said defensively.

"She's covered in scars. She's a junkie, Jax. Just because it's not coming from a needle doesn't mean it's not a problem."

"We're taking care of it." He snapped, starting to get more than a little annoyed with Tara's attack on Arika.

"Yeah, I can see that you've got it all under control. She could have killed your son if she had opened a vein during the pregnancy." Jax shook his head.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" he asked, shaking his head. Tara's eyes widened a bit. "You think Abel is my kid?" he said with a laugh. "I thought doctors were supposed to be smart."

"I just assumed with his heart…" She said looking down at Abel. "You and Thomas both had the same heart defect." Jax looked down at the tiny infant. "And the way you take care of her, I just assumed you were together."

"She's-"

"Family. I know. I'm sorry." Tara said raising her hands apologetically, though Jax was looking a little bit green around gills. "You okay?"

"I'm fine. Just don't appreciate you attacking Arika this way. We're doing the best that we can." He explained. "She hasn't exactly had it very easy. Let us do what we do best."

"Cover up the problem?" she asked. Jax looked like she had been slapped by her words. His mind was reeling a mile a minute. "I'm not trying to be a bitch. I'm genuinely concerned." She added, realizing that her words had carried a tone that she hadn't intended.

"We're trying." He said again. "We know she's sick. We know. We're trying to help her get through it. She's been in Charming for barely 2 months total – and half of that, she was on the run, and she was hiding from us when she came back" He said with earnest, his eyes still on Arika's little bundle of joy. "We're trying… I'm trying."

Truth be told, as much that it killed her soul to be aware from the tiny bundle that embodied her heart, the hot water of the shower felt amazing on her body. Washing away the grime of the hospital and letting the pressure work out the kinks in her muscles that were created from days of sleeping in the makeshift bed of chairs felt incredible. When she finally stepped out of the shower she was a rosy pink from turning the hot water on a little too high. She dressed in a pair of shorts and a tanktop that had to be tied in a knot. It was a little too big, but she wasn't being swallowed, her body that was once heavy with her child was now loose and flabby. Arika was busy analyzing her new body when the dorm room door opened behind her. She looked in the mirror and made eye contact with the patch who was peeking into the room.

"Knocking is for the civilized I guess." She griped.

"Got a minute?" The biker said slipping into the room once he confirmed that she was decent.

"Thanks for letting me use your shower." She said giving him the best smile she could muster. It was easier feeling clean.

"No problem. Why didn't you use Jax's? You usually crash in his room." Arika shrugged off Opies question.

"Change of scenery. It's good for the soul. Besides, he doesn't know how to back the hell off sometimes. Too many questions." The brown haired giant looked a little guilty. "Et tu brute?" she asked rolling her eyes.

"I just wanna know how you're doing." He said holding up his hands defensively. "How you've been doing." He added at her disbelieving look. "About what happened to you when you were gone… Why you stayed gone…" he admitted when she kept staring him down. Arika dropped her head, leaning on her palms on the dresser.

"Why can't you guys just let it die?" she asked, exasperated.

"Because for 6 months, we thought you were dead, and it killed us.


End file.
